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.“Jesus Christ Holliday!” He yelled sharply.“What did you get yourself into in another life? What have you pulled me into?” His body stiffened as I noticed he was practically snarling.“Are you fucking kidding me, you dick?” I glared at him.My sadness had now turned to anger.“You selfish bastard, you’re only thinking of yourself right now and how this affects you.”He decided it was time to take that drink.“Maybe Grady James was right about you after all,” I snapped.“Oh, fuck that, Holliday.Do not even think about turning this around on me,” Ronan warned.“Ronan, I went out with him for two years.If you’re worried about the tabloids linking you to Derek Saunders’ ex-girlfriend, they won’t be able to make the connection.”“I cannot deal with this right now.I cannot believe you would go out with a guy like that.” His accent thickened the angrier he became.“It’s unfair that you’re judging me like this,” I said flatly.He looked at me, absorbing my words, leaning against the bar.The dazzle in his green eyes was gone, as if he was looking right through me.I felt like Ronan was ashamed of me, like I was dirty and soiled just because I went out with Derek Saunders, the President of Side Effects Media.I knew now that it was terrible to get involved with him, but at the time I just wanted to feel something exciting.Derek was charming, funny, and he treated me well, until the night that he didn’t.He’d found a way to make money in the industry with porn.I’m making excuses for a capitalist who just happens to be a sadist criminal.There’s something wrong with that, right?“Look Ronan,” I pulled up photos of me with Derek at events and on the red carpet.Ronan casually walked towards me and I pointed to the images on my laptop.“Whoa, that doesn’t even look like you.”“Right? I told you I was a natural blonde.Plus, I wore wigs a lot on the red carpet with Derek.Look at my name: Holli Grace.Every single photo on the internet with Derek and me, I’m labeled as Holli Grace.I don’t exist, well Holli doesn’t exist.” Ronan let out a chuckle looking at the pictures of me wearing a cotton candy pink bobbed wig.“No one will ever make the connection.”“Until they do,” he said snidely.“I don’t know what to say Ronan.I liked Derek.The guy was a good time, and he seduced me into this crazy fast party world in Hollywood.I was young and going through a phase.Ultimately I paid a high price for dating a shady guy.”Ronan shot me an annoyed look.“Holliday, I hope you know that you did not get some kind of karmic justice served to you because you dated a smut mogul.”“I didn’t until I saw the look on your face, the look of shame and embarrassment.I’m sorry this has hurt you.You’re the last person on Earth I’d ever want to be disgusted by me.” I hung my head, biting my bottom lip and trying to choke back the sobs.“I’ll leave.”I walked to the closet where all my stuff was hanging and I reached for my suitcase.Ronan gently grabbed my arm and said, “You’re not leaving.Don’t be absurd.”My heart jumped.“Ronan, I feel like you can’t even look at me without thinking I’m dirty or something.”“My beauty, you’re not dirty,” he said softly.Oh thank God, my nickname has returned.“Ronan, I… I know the kind of world Derek is involved in.It’s the deep seedy underbelly of Hollywood, and his connections are all over the world.He’s into shit that you can’t even imagine.”“Then why the fuck were you with him? Because he was fun?” His voice was filled with anger.“Ronan.” My voice became strangled as I sobbed through my words.“Isn’t that exactly why you were with Emma, because she was fun and hot?” I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand.He shot back a look of anger at me.Ronan knew I was right, and so I kept pushing.“Jesus Christ Ronan, you married her! Not to mention you had two kids with her.” I may have crossed the line by bringing Jade and Leah into this conversation.“So I don’t think you are in any kind of position to judge me,” I warned.Ronan glanced at me and said nothing, but his face began to soften.I hung my head.“When I was younger I had this need to push myself to the limits.I had a thing… I had a thing for danger and losing control.Nothing serious.What can I say except I liked fast cars, a good time and bad boys.” He rolled his eyes at me.“I still like having a good time… correction… a nice time and I do love fast cars, but my bad boy phase is over.”“So, what, you were just out of control or something and needed a rush?”“Something like that.I needed to see how far I could take a thrill.It was euphoric.About a year and a half into my relationship with Derek I was bored with it.I tried to leave him, but he said I was his good luck charm.”“His good luck charm?”“I was a pretty young girl with a rocking body.Men liked being in my company.I got them to trust me.It’s no secret that Derek throws a hell of a party.He knows how to entertain and charm people.When clients or businessmen would want to know where to find the hottest girls in Los Angeles who were down to fuck, Derek would send me to the clubs to make the introductions.”“So you were what, a fucking call girl liaison?” His words hit me like nails on a chalkboard.It was grating, and I still felt like he saw me as less of the person I was [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]