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.Guyswith acne that made them look like the dark side of the moon.Guys who were ugly, obnoxious, unintelligent,uninteresting, flatulent bores.Every single one of them had managed to get laid at least once, and usuallymore than once (though rarely by the same person.) No healthy male could survive without sex.Could they?Another fifteen minutes and they came to the lake.The view was pretty spectacular with the still waterreflecting the vivid hues of autumn, under a clear blue sky.They had it all to themselves but Julian wasn treally capable of appreciating it, with all that was in his mind.He parked the chair by a little bench that looked over the water, and as soon as they stopped, the kemsjumped down and trotted down to the lake edge to inspect it.Julian sat down and looked at Zachary, whodefinitely didn t want to look at him. Aren t you even curious what you re missing? You assume I'm missing anything.I don t consider I am. But sex  Is a messy, complicated, time-consuming, animalistic act and only necessary if one wants offspring, which Idon t. I don t either at least, I don t now.I don t screw guys because I want kids!Zachary went red. Do you mind? Some of us don t consider rutting to be a suitable topic for conversation. Prude. If you insist.Julian threw up his hands in disgust. You re a freak.No wonder you can t cope with people touching yourkem.God knows what would happen if they touched your cock instead. What? Me, touching Linis.I know what you felt it s the same for me when you pet Pyon.It s not Zachary s expression was horrified. You mean.when I stroke your kem, you feel  The same as you felt when I stroked Linis.I guess it s the same for everyone.Only most people don t gethard. Nasty of him to add that, but this whole  sex isn t suitable for my delicate ears crap was annoying ashell. Hey! Where are you.Zachary, you can t push yourself all the way back.stop it, you moron!He grabbed for the push handles, but Zachary kept trying to wrench control away from him. Will you stop?You ll break that damn arm of yours again! Let me go.I want to leave.Get your hands off me!Julian stepped back at Zachary s anguished bellow, holding his hands up in surrender. Look they re off.Nowcalm down.There s no way you can wheel yourself all the way back.What the hell s the matter anyway? You knew what you were doing with Linis? No, not exactly.You react more than I do.It s not a crime. You used him to molest me. I had no idea what effect it d have on you, until it did.I pet Nuji all the time too and if you think I ve got thehots for Leo, you re even more deranged than I thought you were.Just calm down.I won t touch Linis again ifit bothers you.Simple. But you said.when I touch Pyon.it felt  Nice.Just nice, Zachary.Like the sun and the breeze does just now.Pleasant.Not like someone jerking meoff. From Zachary s expression, that had definitely been the wrong thing to say. It s not sexual just becauseit s nice.It s like.someone playing with your hair.I guess you don t know what that s like. No, Zachary muttered. I don t like being touched. How would you know if you never let it happen? I just.know.I don t like people being close to me.Or touching Linis. Were you always like this? Even before your Mum and Dad.I mean, even when you were little? Yes.I.yes, I think so.I remember at school.playing sports and learning to dance with the girls, wasjust.awful. Before they died? I don t remember.Julian frowned. Didn t your grandma ever give you a hug? Kiss it better when you fell down? No.I.I don t remember them doing that.When Mama.when Grandfather came in and told me, hejust.patted me on the shoulder and told me to be a brave boy and not to cry.So.I tried very hard.I did whatthey wanted me to do.Julian shook his head. That s awful.Surely you can see that wasn t what a little boy needed. I won t have you say a word against them. I'm not! But.hell, Zachary, every kid needs a hug sometimes.If your Mum and Dad just died, you should vebeen able to cry. I didn t want to make Grandmother sad.And later.I just.couldn t.Julian sat on the grass.Pyon scampered over and gave him a quick headbutt, wanting to be petted, but thenhe ran off again.Linis was still exploring which was odd Julian would have expected him to come back toZachary as soon as he became distressed.The big kem s behaviour had been very strange all day. You knowbabies who don t get held and given affection, die.You said kems were like that.You don t think it s unhealthyfor you not to let anyone near you? I manage perfectly well, thank you. Until you get run over by a car. Julian stared down to the lake edge where Pyon was grooming Linis, thetawny kem lolling on the ground while Pyon licked him. I know this is hard for you, but can I just.trysomething? Julian, I ve had almost as much as I can stand today, honestly.His expression was uncharacteristically pleading, and if it wasn t so important, Julian would have just droppedit. I know, he said gently. And.now I know what I do, I can see why.why you re like how you are.But Ithink maybe Linis was up to something, and I think I know what.I know you don t trust me, but do you stilltrust him?Zachary stared at the ground. I do trust you, he mumbled. Then will you just humour me? I don t think you ll like it much, but I ll stop if it really bothers you. Is it important to you? Yes.It really is. Then go ahead.The lack of enthusiasm didn t exactly shock him, so he persisted. I just want to know how me touching youmakes you feel.I just want you to.say out loud what it does to you.I know it s hard for you to say that sort ofthing. Just get on with it, Julian.He almost stopped then.Zachary was so clearly at the edge of his tolerance and what he wanted to do wouldpush him quite hard.But he might not get a second chance. Okay. He scooted a little closer to the wheelchair and put his hand on Zachary s foot. What does that do? Annoy me. Anything else? Zachary shook his head.Julian moved his hand to Zachary s knee. Now?Zachary s lips thinned. I.want you to move your hand. Julian lifted it. No, I mean.that s the emotion.Areal.desire for you to just go away. So there s nothing pleasurable about it at all? Not in the slightest. Okay. He reached further up and took one of Zachary s hands in his, taking care to be gentle, to use thetouch to massage very carefully.Then he twined his fingers with Zachary s. And now? I.feel trapped.Like.let go, Julian.Please. Julian obeyed immediately.Zachary exhaled hard not to missthe raw relief in his eyes as Julian sat back on his heels. I'm sorry. Me too.So basically, you ve never felt any pleasure at all from anyone touching you? Zachary looked away. You have? Not your grandparents.Your Mum and Dad? No.Except.one time. He rubbed at his eyes like he had a headache. That day in the hospital when.theday Leo [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]