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."Oh Craig, this isn't a good idea.I don't know what I was doing, I am so sorry."He sat up and pulled her to him."Sweetheart, don't be sorry, it's OK.""No Craig you don't understand, it's not OK.I want to love you but I can't.I won't.I have beenleading you on by going on dates with you.I should not be dating you." Anguish filled her eyes andvoice.Craig was confused by her words, but didn't want her to think that he cared if she wasn't readyfor anything physical with him."Shhh, it's OK.I don't mind at all.I just want you to be happy, to feel comfortable," he toldher, trying to hug her to him."You should go."He wanted to stay and comfort her, and was surprised by this declaration."Really? We don't have to do anything Emma, we can just sit and talk or watch a movie.I willnever pressure you.We are both adults here.I'm not expecting marriage or anything."He wondered if she was seeing someone else and that's what this was about.It seemed prettyunlikely with everything that had happened with Norman in the past.She crumpled forward hiding her face.Again her shoulders shook.He just wanted to cradleher in his arms and comfort her like a child.He hated seeing her like this.He thought there was muchmore to this woman than he could begin to know, and this part may not have anything to do withNorman."No, you should go Craig.Before I do something I regret.It's complicated.I don't know howto explain.I don't want to hurt you, but I shouldn't be here with you right now either.""Ok Emma, if that's what you want." Craig, hurt, moved to the door.Just know I am here foryou any time, and if you need anything - anything at all - you call me first, OK?"She grinned a sad grin at him."Thank you."Chapter 13.Emma watched Craig drive away from her bedroom window.Only when she could no longersee the light from his car did she let out the tears.Great, wracking sobs threatened to tear her breathfrom her.That was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life.Way harder than divorcingNorman.You weren't in love with Norman anymore once you asked him for a divorce, an inner voicetold her gently.That was it.That was the reason for everything.Craig was so gentle, and so good, and shewas afraid she was falling in love with him.It couldn't be.It couldn't happen.He wasn't her dreamman, because he wasn't the man from the vision, so what was she doing, going and falling in love withhim? This voice in her head was harsh and unstoppable.Emma, you are a complete idiot and jerkfor leading that sweet man on.What could she say? Nothing.She was an idiot, and she was a jerk.What was she going to do now?Her sobbing reached a fevered pitch.Some inner critic wondered if the neighbors could hearher.Even that thought didn't quiet her.Damn the neighbors.My life is a mess.It's my mess and I cancry if I want.Emma hugged the wall to her bedroom, where no one would be watching her that night.Shefell on the bed with her clothes still on, and cried until she fell asleep.***Emma awoke at 4 in the morning, disoriented, wondering what she had forgotten.Work! Hereyes were grainy and swollen.She pulled herself to the bathroom.She didn't need to be at work for afew hours, but it would probably take a while to get her looking decent, so she got moving.In the shower, she made a decision.She was calling Reece today.Maybe she hadn't given himthe benefit of the doubt before.Maybe they should do something other than go to a restaurant.Maybeshe should invite him over to her house, or go hiking with him.Hiking.That stung.She had beenhiking with Craig yesterday and they had laughed so much, and had so much fun.Craig.She missedhim already.***Work dragged on and on.Jerry was his usual happy self, and bugged her constantly to tell herwhat was wrong.She didn't say.Couldn't say.Jerry wouldn't understand.On their first call withEngine 18 Emma held her breath, hardly able to concentrate as the firefighters came up.Craig wasn'twith them.Thank goodness.When she could slip away from Jerry long enough to make a phone call she called Reece.Hesounded very happy to hear from her.Well that's good at least.She invited him to her house, but hesaid why didn't she come to his place instead.Tomorrow night at 8 p.m.At the Coronado building.She hung up, glad, but with the lead weight still squeezing her heart with every breath.Hopefully bytomorrow things would look better.***Emma entered the elevator in the Coronado building, wearing a breezy blue skirt that swirledaround her ankles as she walked.She always felt feminine and pretty in this skirt, especially pairedwith a silk tank and with her hair down and bouncy.It didn't work today.Today, her feet felt asleaden as her heart had yesterday.While she was getting ready, she kept telling herself to cancel, butthen she kept telling herself not to cancel, she needed to get on with her non-Craig life.Reece's unit was on the 14th floor.She noticed their was no 13th floor button in the elevator.That meant Reece was actually on the 13th floor.I guess he's not superstitious.She rang his doorbell.He was quick to open and gave her a broad smile."Emma, I am so perfectly thrilled to see you again," he said, grasping her hand and kissing theback of it just a little to long."Thank you Reece," she said softly.She didn't have the energy for much more than a whisper."Emma, you look sad, is there something wrong?"Emma sighed internally and gave herself a mental slap in the face.Wake up! Get over it!She forced a smile, "No, sorry, I might just be a little tired.""Well have a seat, I will get you some wine."Emma didn't like wine too much, but right now, any liquor sounded good.She sat down on the couch and put her clutch down on the table, then gratefully accepted herglass and took several tiny sips.This wasn't too bad.Reece sat down on the couch next to her, a little too close.Using a remote, he turned on somemusic and sat back, putting an arm around her.Emma looked around the apartment to avoid looking right at him.He was moving too fast.Shefelt a bit uncomfortable and thought maybe getting up would help.His apartment was large andgorgeous.Hard, dark wood covered the floors and walls and wooden shelves were built in fromfloor to ceiling between the kitchen and living room.Small wooden statues that looked like idols orgods from ancient times sat in each cubby of the shelves."Wow, you are an art lover Reece?" she asked, getting up from the couch with her drink in herhand.Reece caught her around the waist with both hands and pulled her back to the couch, almostspilling her drink.Emma's guard went up immediately [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]