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.""So, when Alfred offered to bail him out, he took the money and was gone the next time youcame back, am I right?"Paul hung his head."Yes.Am I the biggest sucker on the planet, or what? Go ahead, tell me whata sap I am," he challenged.The man he'd once pretended to be would have agreed; however, that version of Alex hadn'tsurvived very long after arriving at his uncle's house.The man he was now answered truthfully,"No, you're not a sap, you're just too forgiving sometimes."Paul looked up then with sorrow-filled eyes, his next question catching Alex by surprise."Howdo you do it, Alex?" he whispered quietly."Do what?""Sleep with people you don't care about? How do you do that? Isn't it lonely? Don't you want towake up with someone you love, who loves you?"Though he'd never thought of it that way, Paul did have a point."Like our uncles?" Alex asked."Yes," Paul replied, nodding, "like them.Don't you want that?"The Wish - 126Alex decided he had nothing to lose by telling the truth."Of course I want that," he finallyconfessed, bitterness creeping into his voice as he added, "I've just never found anyone whocould see past the money to see me.""What?!" Paul shouted, eyes wide in horror."So all you've ever known were lovers like Jordan?Someone who'd walk away if the price was right?"Judging from his reaction, Paul definitely didn't travel in the same circles Alex did, where suchbehavior was not only accepted, but expected.It occurred to him then that he'd been hanging outwith the wrong people."Pretty much," he replied."How awful for you!" Paul exclaimed."Have you never had anyone to love you just for you?"The answer was a resounding, "No," even if Alex chose not to voice it.The truth was, even inbed with another living, breathing human being, or two -- hell, even in the middle of a crowdedclub with his so-called friends, Alex was alone.He didn't like it nearly as much as he pretendedto.Capturing Paul's angular face between his hands, he forced Paul's head up so their eyes met."What do you see when you look at me?" he whispered huskily, his lips scant inches away fromPaul's.He wanted badly to close that distance.Hearing Alfred's words replaying themselves inhis head stopped him.It was time to take responsibility for his actions, and he'd made a promisethat he intended to keep.Tear-filled eyes, grieving now for someone else's loneliness and not because of a manipulativeex-lover, studied him intently.Finally, Paul said, "I see someone who was given everything hewanted and nothing he needed.""Just what do you think I need, Paul?" Given the man's unique insight, Alex genuinelyanticipated the answer.It was bound to be profound.It didn't disappoint -- Paul kissed him.Though it was just a brief brush of lips, it meant morethan Alex could ever explain."Do you still want me?" Paul murmured as he withdrew.Now that was even more unexpected than the kiss, and when he hesitated, Paul asked again,"You still want to sleep with me, right?"Part of him triumphantly yelled 'Yes!' but there was no way he'd accept that offer, not under thecircumstances.Though it killed him to do so, he shook his head sadly and said, "How is thatdifferent from what I have now? I don't want you to fuck me because you feel sorry for me, or soI can wipe away the memory of another man."You don't want me, Paul.I don't know what you want, but I'm certain it isn't me." How ironicthat, after all his fantasies of having Paul in his bed again, knowing he wasn't betraying his uncle,The Wish - 127he couldn't accept what was offered."You know, if someone had told me earlier tonight that I'dbe turning you down, I would have told them they were crazy.You may have said it, but youdon't mean it, and it's you, Byron, and Uncle Alfred who taught me not to settle.I was a little lategetting the lesson, but it's finally sunk in.Goodnight, Paul." With those words, Alex did thehardest thing he'd ever done -- turned his back on the thing he wanted most in the world to go tobed alone.The Wish - 128Chapter SixteenLater, lying in bed, Paul thought about the unexpected turn of events.Would wonders nevercease? After all the teasing, innuendo, and blatant offers, when it came down to it, Alex had saidno.Unfortunately, the offer had been dead serious, even if, upon further reflection, he realizedjust how wrong the timing had been.Damn Jordan for showing up tonight! Paul had loved him fiercely once, or rather, had loved whohe thought Jordan was.Now it no longer mattered whether or not Jordan was dealing with hisgambling issues, they were only the tip of the iceberg when it came to the man's problems.He'dnever be capable of a mature, loving relationship without being on the constant lookout forsomeone better, richer, or more powerful.No, men like that didn't change.At least, Jordan couldn't; could Alex? Had he truly repented ofhis ways as he seemed to have done?Paul's conscience was quick to point out that he had been so forgiving as to stay with a man heknew had used him, but had been quick to judge Alex before he'd even met the guy [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]