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.I was dying to tell people the news.Was I indiscreet? Perhaps, but I think my real mistake was listening to those programs too often and with too many people.I felt the surveillance of the Security Force gradually tighten around me.The agent who usually took care of my bureaucratic needs in exchange for gifts and loans was avoiding me; worse yet, he wouldn’t accept my gifts.Was it now compromising to receive something from my hand? One day, I managed to corner him and get the scoop.“You’re under surveillance,” he admitted.“A buddy of yours ratted on you for listening to South Korean radio.” After making me promise never to reveal my source, he fingered my accuser.I was flabbergasted—it was someone I considered a friend! I never had a clue.Nothing pleased security agents more than identifying recidivists and sending them back to the camps.Gifts were the only way to keep the agents at bay, and by this point the gifts had to be both lavish and plentiful.How I hated these men.Once I made it to South Korea, I had no scruples about trying to make their lives as miserable as possible.Whenever I gave interviews, I mentioned how surprised I had been after my denunciation to find myself interrogated by two agents who were my longtime friends and radio-listening companions.I wanted revenge! Those slimeballs probably wound up in the same place they usually sent others.I imagine they’ve expiated their sins by now, and as far as I’m concerned, they can go free.In the early 1990s, few North Koreans dared tune in to radio transmissions from the South.Many more do now.I got my two radio receivers from a Pyongyang store where you could get just about anything: cigarettes, beer, clothing, shoes.The only things they didn’t have were products made in South Korea—and, of course, they only accepted hard currency.Even foreigners shopped there.Since the sale of radio receivers wasn’t as closely monitored as might be expected, I was able to get away with registering one and paying hush money on the second.Listening to South Korean radio had to be done with extreme caution.The poor soundproofing of most North Korean dwellings could easily give us away.To avoid being overheard, my fellow listeners and I took the radio and buried ourselves three or four at a time under a mound of blankets.Only the antenna remained visible.The other challenge was avoiding static.The signal was always clearest between 11:00 P.M.and 5:00 A.M.We liked listening to the Christian programs on the Korean Broadcasting System.The message of love and respect for one’s fellow man was sweet as honey to us.It was so different from what we were used to hearing.In North Korea, the state-run radio and television, newspapers, teachers, and even comic strips only tried to fill us with hate—for the imperialists, the class enemies, the traitors, and who knows what else! We could also tune in to the Voice of America and catch up on the international news from which we had been severed for so long.We hungered for a discourse to break the monopoly of lies.In North Korea, all reality is filtered through a single mind-set.Listening to the radio gave us the words we needed to express our dissatisfaction.Every program, each new discovery, helped us tear a little freer from the enveloping web of deception.Knowledge that there was a counterpoint to official reality was already a kind of escape, one that could exhilarate as well as confuse.It is difficult to explain, for example, the emotions we felt on hearing it demonstrated, proof positive, that the North had actually started the Korean War, not the American imperialists, as we had always been told.Radio programs from the South made it possible for us to sharpen our criticisms of Kim Il-sung’s regime.We had long been aware of all its shortcomings, from corruption to repression, from the camps to food shortages, from its ravishment of the population’s work ethic to its obscene wastefulness, most apparent in its sumptuous birthday celebrations in honor of our two idols, father and son.We had plenty of evidence by which to judge the regime—and judge it harshly.What we lacked—what the radio provided us—were the connective elements we needed to tie it all together.The programs furnished us with an overview of the system as a whole: its origins, the reasons behind its current difficulties, the absurdity of its official boasting of self-sufficiency in light of its pleading for international aid.I think my friends and I were proud to be in the know.I wanted very much to tell my uncle about what I had discovered, but I didn’t dare; while I knew he would love the South Korean songs, I feared he would forbid me to listen.There was still a chance my activities might place him at risk, in spite of his ignorance.For everyone’s sake, my main objective would have to be parrying as much of the danger as possible.My friend An-hyuk, who lived in a neighboring county, had also gotten wind of the investigation the Security Force was conducting on me.According to him the agents were proceeding slowly, hoping to throw a dragnet around the entire subculture of illicit auditors.An-hyuk, who also listened to South Korean radio, was facing the same danger I was.Our backs were to the wall: we could either wait for the Security Force to pick us up, or we could try to escape.The options were equally dangerous, but the second presented a glimmer of hope.An-hyuk had sneaked into China once before.On his way back, however, he was arrested for illegal border crossing and sent to Yodok, where he spent the next year and a half.That’s how we first met.Later, after we were both released, we kept in touch by mail.It was in one of his carefully coded letters that he revealed that we were in trouble and needed to talk.Our code was simple but effective: we wrote the exact opposite of what we truly meant to say.In the critical letter, An-hyuk kept repeating that “everything was going really well,” that “things were looking up,” and so on.He also announced the forthcoming “wedding ceremony of our friends.” The reference was oblique, but I understood.We got together and, assessing the situation, agreed we had to escape [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]