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.I'm not sure if it’s sunrise or sunset, but the warm sun is welcoming on my frozen skin, I wrap my arms around myself trying to generate some heat.The storm has gone, the sea is calm, the sky a light hazy blue.I stagger to my feet and search the beach, but the world is eerily silent.No cars, no trains, no people, I can't even hear any birds singing – I have to get back to the house, I have to find Tristan!As I take a step forward, my mother appears in her ghost like way, her light blinding me.“See.” She says as she did before, and points up to a building.I instantly recognise it – It’s the hotel where he raped me.I quickly look away – No! I don't want to see.I'm suddenly catapulted to a place I don't know.There’s music playing, I think it’s Frank Sinatra? The room is big and grand with a huge chandelier hanging from the ceiling, the lights are low and soft.There are so many people around, dressed up to the nines.Men in dinner suits, women in beautiful flowing gowns, some people are dancing, some are chatting.I look down and see I'm in a long black dress, and I have a glass of champagne in my hand.I see her in my peripheral vision again, I spin around and face her; my mother is still with me.“See.” My mother whispers in my ear and points across the room.I look up and see Tristan in a black dinner suit, smiling at me as he walks towards me.“No, not him.See.” My mother says pointing what looks like a hot, white stick out on front of her.I look back in the direction she is pointing, and I see him.the guy who raped me.He’s walking right behind Tristan, across the dance floor, he’s also dressed in a dinner suit, and has a glass of champagne in his hand.“He knows you.” My mother whispers.Right on cue he stops, turns to me, raises his glass at me and takes a sip; then smiles an evil, twisted smile – No!.MY EYES DART OPEN – Fuck! I dash out of bed, my body protesting in pain and reach the toilet just in time for me to violently vomit, over and over again.I hear Tristan approach, and feel him gently pull as much of my hair as he can out of the firing line; his other hand is gently rubbing my back, trying to soothe me – Oh Tristan!I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out the horrifying images, the overwhelming feelings, the fear, the helplessness.My body finally gives in.I stop dry retching; and now I feel totally exhausted.Why is being sick, so tiring?“Baby?” Tristan softly says.I lean up and press the flush.I can't talk to him, I don't think I can even look at him right now because I know I’ll just crumble, and I need to work it all out in my own head first, what that was all about.I stagger to my feet.Tristan helps me over to the sinks.Reaching forward I pick up my electric toothbrush, add some toothpaste and start brushing my teeth.“Did you want some Gaviscon?” He asks.I nod without looking at him.He walks over to the bathroom cupboard and pulls a new bottle out.Walking over to me, he picks up one of the glasses we use for rinsing our mouths out, pours a little into it and waits for me to finish.When I'm done, I put my toothbrush back, and keeping my eyes to the floor I turn my body to face Tristan’s.Tentatively, he reaches out and passes me the glass.I turn to the sinks, gripping them for balance, close my eyes and slowly drink down the thick, pink liquid.“Coral,” Tristan says, his voice trembling.“You’re never this quiet, you’re worrying me.What’s wrong?”I put the glass down and stare down at the sink.“Just a bad dream Tristan, a nightmare,” I say keeping my eyes down, my voice not sounding like my own.“Want to talk about it?” He softly asks.I shake my head at him, unable to get any words out.“Why won't you look at me?” He adds.I stare despondently at the floor.I feel utterly guilty for ignoring him.Tristan sighs heavily.“What can I do Coral?” I shake my head again.He sighs heavily.“I’m calling George,” he says, and with that he walks out of the bathroom – Fuck!I AM SAT IN THE CINEMA ROOM, waiting impatiently for George to turn up.He wasn’t due here for another hour.Tristan said this was probably the best place for us to talk, to have some peace and quiet.Terry has been and given me my morning shot, so I’m not in as much pain, but I still hurt all over.Earlier, I took a long, hot shower trying to wash away the feelings, the guilt – I have avoided Tristan this last hour – and to try and warm my body back up.I still feel so cold.I also feel racked with guilt.I told Tristan he would always be my first port of call from now on, but I guess I was wrong – I’m still freaky Coral.Ugh! Can’t even talk to my own husband to be! – I grit my teeth at myself in anger.My leg won’t stop jigging up and down and I'm biting my fingernails.Argh! I hate feeling like this!I hear muffled voices coming down the hallway, I can tell it’s Tristan and George.They stop right outside the door, whispering to one another.Maybe they don't realise it’s open or that I can hear them?“George, give me your honest opinion, please.She’s been almost catatonic since she woke, she’s avoiding me, hell she hasn’t even looked at me,” Tristan stops and takes a deep breath.“Look, if she needs hospitalising then just say so, and I’ll make it happen.I.I don't know what to do? I’ve never seen her like this before.” He says, sounding frantic.“Tristan, please try not to worry.I have seen Coral like this, many times.Once she gets it out, whatever it is, I'm sure she’ll be back in your arms in no time at all.So much has gone on from what you’ve told me, it’s bound to have some effect, on both of you – eventually something has to give.”“Ok.ok.I just.” Tristan sighs, he sounds so downhearted.“You want her happy, healthy?”George says.“Yes,” Tristan breathes.“Of course I do.”“Time Tristan, she just needs time, be patient and she will come back to you.”“Ok, thank you George.Would you like a drink of some sort?”“Please,” George says.“Hot, cold.?”“A pot of tea for us both I think.Coral always seems to like that when she’s having a session.”“I’ll get Edith to bring it down,” he says.“Thank you Tristan - and try not worry.” George says.“Easier said than done,” Tristan retorts, then I hear his footsteps climbing the stairs.George taps lightly on the door, then pops his head inside.“Coral.” I don't look up at him.“Coral, I need to know you’re ok about me coming in.Can you nod your head once for yes?” I nod once, keeping my eyes to the floor.“Good, well done.” George enters and sits diagonally to me.I'm on the big couch he’s on one of the squidgy chairs [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]