[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.It wasn’t so bad at the end, I thought.Yes, I couldn’t leave when I wanted, but Trevor treated me okay.He took care of me.He only had my needs in mind.Then, as if coming out of a trance, I shook my head.What was I thinking? He had imprisoned me and isolated me.He never wanted to let me go.I had no freedom.And he had physically hurt me several times.But had he changed? All of his recent emails had been so full of love.Was he pretending or had he actually changed? I wondered how he would respond if I purposely tried to provoke him.Trevor,I don’t think you mean what you say.I think you’re trying to manipulate me.After the way you treated me, lying to me, stealing from me, I will NEVER be able to trust you again.It is over! Know this - I will NEVER want to be with you again.I deserve better and you don’t deserve to be with me or with our child.LilyMy finger hovered over the mouse.Guilt at my harsh words flowed through me.I had never purposely tried to hurt someone like that before.If he really had changed, my words would cut him to the core.But if he was just pretending, he deserved every word.Finally I pressed Send, then shut down my computer and went outside to play with Greta.When Trevor replied, his tone was definitely unfriendly.But I didn’t know if that was because I’d hurt him and he wanted to hurt me back or because he truly believed the things he said.As I reread the email, I almost felt physical pain at the words he said.Lily,I don’t know where you get off saying those things to me, but what makes you think you deserve to be the mother of my child? All I can say is that you’d better put my name on the baby’s birth certificate.The baby is mine as much as yours.In fact, I believe I’ll be a much better parent than you would ever be.How would you even know how to be a mother? Your mother died when you were little, so you don’t even know what being a mother is all about.But my mother is still alive.How dare you think you can keep my child away from its father and grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.If the baby is with you, you will be depriving him or her of having a real family.You’re selfish! You think only of yourself.A real mother would put her child before herself.Just more proof that you will never be a real mother!I sobbed as his words sunk into my heart.He had voiced every doubt I had about my ability to be a good mother to my child.The tears flowed unabated and I did nothing to stop them, allowing all my worries and fears to be laid bare.When I finally felt myself winding down, I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.My eyes were red and swollen.I splashed cold water on my face and patted it dry.Greta pressed against me, apparently sensing how upset I was.I reached down and pet her.“Let’s go play,” I said, thinking I would feel better if I went outdoors in the warm sun and played with my sweet dog.She followed me out back and we began her favorite game - fetch.After a few minutes I heard a familiar voice calling my name.I looked toward the gate and saw Marcus coming through.Oh no, I thought.He’ll probably be able to tell I was crying.Still a safe distance away, I called hello then turned my back and threw the ball for Greta.“Hi, Kate,” he said as he approached.“How are you, Marcus?” I kept my face mostly turned away.Hopefully enough so that he couldn’t see my red eyes, but not so much as to arouse suspicion.“I’m doing great.How about you?” he said.“I’m fine.So what’s new?” Greta dropped the ball at my feet.I picked it up and threw it again.This time, after she captured the ball, she took it with her into the bushes as she followed a scent that apparently caught her attention.I stood staring at her.“Kate,” Marcus said, obviously trying to get my attention.“Yeah?” I said, not turning toward him.Why didn’t I think to put on sunglasses, I thought.“Kate, look at me.”Slowly, I turned toward him and hoped he wouldn’t notice my red eyes.“Were you crying?” he asked.I shook my head.“I don’t want to talk about it.”His voice softened.“What’s wrong, Kate?”The empathy he clearly felt made my tender feelings rush forward and fresh tears pushed their way into my eyes.He obviously saw them too.He pulled me into his arms.“Oh, Kate.It’s all right.Whatever it is, it will be all right.”I felt so safe and secure in his arms that I could almost believe him.He held me like that for a full minute [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]