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.My heart has turned against him.I am not angry with him; there is something here’ she said, pressing her heart, ‘which would never allow me to do that.But now I must leave him.For so many years I depended upon him.My own children loved him.Now it is all in the open.My children say, Where is your honour? I never thought of honour when I thought of Robert.I thought only of Robert.But now I can see he does not think of me.I tell him, “I am suffering”, and he says: “What sufferings have you? I am looking after your money: our old age is taken care of.” I suppose I made a great mistake; but I know I would make the same mistake again.What can I do, Gliesli? He told me he loved me; he did love me.I loved him.I am glad, whatever happens, that I had that; it is real.It would have been hard if I had never had that love.Everything almost melts away, when I remember that.Often before this I meant to go away and I couldn’t.But now I cannot go down and face him reading the Financial Times.If he loves me, Gliesli, why must he say, “She is not my wife but my cousin?” When no one cares at all? Before, there was always the excuse that my husband would not allow us to marry; but my husband allowed it.Why is it? Is it for his own pride? Is it—no, no.He is not like Mrs Powell.He was a very good businessman.Everyone respected him; perhaps they didn’t all like him.But I was so glad of him, so infatuated, I thought they were wrong.I was so happy; but then it made me happy to be with him.When it is too late, you find out he has no heart at all: he is selfish, cold, lazy.I laid my head all these years on a stone.I cannot go down and hear him say, when he lays down the paper, “You see, Lilia, how right I am when I want you to transfer your money”; and Gliesli, because he can work on my feelings and I have no plans, he is slowly engulfing all my money.Ah, Gliesli—it has broken my heart.In the end, Mr Trollope was my only friend, but only when he left me.Oh, Gliesli, my heart is crumbling; there is nothing there.It would be more honest to die than to go through this; well, I won’t go through it.I don’t know what I will do.I am not going down, Gliesli, to see Robert taking his two soups behind his newspaper, while I watch this sad lot of scarecrows that we are, in the mirror.’Madame Blaise said: ‘Well, my dear, I must go down.I am hungry.If I don’t go now, that detestable little peasant whore will find some excuse for bringing me cold soup with her thumb in it and I don’t feel like a scene today.The doctor gave me my medicine.Why don’t you take it too, Liliali? You would not have the blues.’‘You know I will never take those things,’ said Mrs Trollope.‘Why don’t you and Mr Wilkins come home with me to Basel and see what my husband is doing and what Basel is like, such a hell-spot of trolls, and my husband is one.I must go; my husband will not bring me any more medicine here; so he has got me back.I don’t know what he wants me for; to kill me, I suppose.If you were there, he would not dare; or else you could see what happened and be my witness.Oh, but never mind, I shall give him a nice chunk to swallow at the end.Oh—ho; for I’m sure he’s sleeping with that ugly old creature, my servant Ermyntrud.’‘Oh, hush, Gliesli!’She could hear Madame Blaise’s laughter all the way down the stairs.Robert brought her up nothing from lunch; he did not inquire after her health.He merely mentioned that Mr Pallintost seemed anxious to know about the car, and before he went to sleep he said irritably (for she had demurred):‘Lilia, do please go and see that woman who is knocking on the wall.’Mrs Trollope went in.The previous afternoon, Miss Chillard had gone out for a short ride in a car brought by her friends, to La Tour de Peilz.During her absence, Roger had done an incorrect thing, but one which he was forced to by her debts.He had gone in, opened her cases and found a good deal of money in them; enough to pay her bills.When Miss Chillard returned, about seven, and asked for her supper, he took it to her himself and told her what he knew: that she had the money to pay.She was indignant that her room had been entered and that he had counted her money; she threatened to call the Consul and the police.She now explained again to Mrs Trollope, asking her to call the Consul.‘Make him listen; I know he is easy-going and does not want trouble.Shake him up.That money is for the doctors.I am going to Zermatt if I can.That is the only place where I am happy and there is only one man who understands me and makes me want to live and he is a doctor there.If I cannot pay him I cannot go, and if I cannot go back to Zermatt why should I live? I am dying now; why do they grudge me a few more months?’But Roger had said he would insist upon her paying, he had to live too: he had to pay ten per cent of the gross every day to the previous owner, those were the difficult conditions under which we had got the hotel; and it was hard to live in winter; few skiers came to the town.If Miss Chillard did not pay, he would send for the Consul and also for the police.‘To a woman in my condition,’ said the unfortunate woman to Mrs Trollope.Mrs Trollope said she had an appointment for the afternoon, but she would come back to see the invalid in the evening.‘I shall be in jail by then.I did not know the Swiss could be so cruel.The English have always been their friends and kept them going: where would they be without our custom?’ asked the sick woman, from the depths of her pillows.She was more cadaverous than ever.She had not eaten anything since the day before.Mrs Trollope said she would bring her something appetizing to eat; but she must go now.What she did was to go into Robert and say that she must have the money in the safe.‘I am going to buy you that car, Robert, and I am not going to bring out any more money till you deliver that parcel to me.I need the money in the safe for the car.I cannot think what possessed you, an honourable man or so I have known you, to put my money in the safe in your name.’‘You know it was to prevent your spending it foolishly.I am here to safeguard you.’‘Very well.I accept that.But give it to me now.I am going to see the Princess, and she and I will go and look at cars.If you do not, Robert, I will not buy the car, for I will not believe any more in your bona fides.’To his astonishment, she insisted; and he did in the end come downstairs with her; the safe was opened and he gave her the money.He asked her for a receipt, but she refused: ‘Why ever should I give a receipt for my own money?’‘Well, I hope you will not be foolish, Lilia.It is my money too.’At this she flushed, said, ‘I am late already,’ and went out.Mr Wilkins went upstairs, his lips moving slightly: he had begun to talk under his breath.Mrs Trollope had some business to do.She rarely went out alone [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]