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.Glorymay have a few extra pounds of cushion as she called it, but she hadkiller curves that I'd always been jealousof. Plus-sized! Glory ranted. I may notbe a stick like you, Hannah  no offense but I am not a huge cow! Maybe she just thought she washelping, I offered.Well, maybe I wasinstigating, just a little. Helping? she exploded, which hadme laughing out loud. Well, I'm gladyou find this whole thing funny.We were on the road in no time, andwith Glory still on a rampage aboutBlowfish, the trip to Dr.Cole's officepassed quickly.She dropped me off infront, and after assuring her that I hadsomeone picking me up, she peeled outof the parking lot. Good afternoon, Hannah, Dr.Colegreeted me cheerfully when I entered hisoffice. How was your weekend? Uneventful, I hedged as I took myusual seat. Hmm, he hummed softly and satdown across from me. How is yourfriend, Glory?I nodded and rolled my eyes. Good.Same old, Glory.We just got back fromthe beach. I see you got a little sun. Hemotioned toward my nose. Frecklesbecome you.My hands flew up to cover the lowerhalf of my face.One brow lifted up, and his smilewidened. I take it you don't care forthem? No, I shrieked, horrified. Pleasetell me there aren't a lot of them. Iturned and started searching franticallythrough my bag.I opened up my compactand let out a loud groan.They were everywhere. It's not really that bad, Hannah, hesoothed. You look fine.I glared at him. Okay, he cleared his throat. Backon point.Tell me about the weekend.I shrugged again. It was&  I trailedoff with another shrug. Uneventful? he finished for me. Inwhat way?I blew out an aggrieved sigh. Whatdo you want to hear, Dr.Cole? Isnapped out viciously. That Glory gotdrunk off her ass and had to be carriedout of the party? That Hope's secretboyfriend made a pass at me becausewhen he looks at me, he sees her? Orthat I got back together with Julian? And,yes, for your information, we did havesex.Lots and lots of sex.Wild monkeysex.Is that what you want to hear? If not,then just tell me, and I'll say whateverwill make you happy!He stared at me for an unendingmoment, not in shock but in frankappraisal. Well, for someone whosehad lots and lots of wild monkey sex,you certainly are wound pretty tight, hereplied evenly.I stared at him for moment beforebursting into loud giggles.He smiled encouragingly at me. Whydon't we start again, Hannah? How wasyour weekend?And this was the moment.That break-through moment that they always talkabout on TV when the patient decides toeither get better or continue on with herdownward spiral.I stood at the edge ofthat cliff, looking down at the rocksbelow.I could either leap across thegreat divide, using the love andencouragement of my family and friendsto help carry me over, or I could simplyjust step off and take the fall.I sucked in a deep, hopefully calmingbreath. A lot happened, Dr.Cole.He nodded, just once. Why don't youtell me about it?And I did.Everything.I left nothingout, held nothing back.I unleashed uponhim everything that I'd been holding insince your death.Every angry word,every broken plea to you for answers,and every tear  both dry, invisible andwet, flowing  that I shed foreverything that once was and wouldnever be again.It was freeing, cathartic,and when the hour was up, I left hisoffice feeling unbelievably light.The weight on my chest is almostgone, Hope.I can breathe deeply again.Ican run and shout and sing and laughwithout pain.I'm very nearly normalagain.I am alive.I keep turning that thought over in mymind.I'm alive, Hope.You aren't, but Iam.And, yet I still find myselfcompelled to sit up in my room andwrite to you.Will that need ever lessen?Will I always talk to you like you're stillright here with me?I want to believe that I can get overyou, move on.At least, I think Hey there, gorgeous. Julian stuckhis head in my window and grinned atme.I put the pen down and returned hissmile. Hey, I returned. What are youdoing here so early?He pulled himself through mywindow, sauntered over to the bed, andcrawled in next to me.His lips brushedmine once.Twice. Early? It's nearlymidnight, babe, he murmured. I'm righton time. Oh! I closed the journal, opened it,and then closed it again. I was just& He slid his fingers along the pagesand flipped the book back open. Writing about me? No! I cried and slammed it shutonce again.Was my face lobster red yet?It felt like it was the deepest shade ofscarlet imaginable.He chuckled softly, dropped a kiss onmy cheek, and pushed away from me sothat he was lying at the foot of the bed,looking up at me. Go ahead and finish,he said as he ran his fingers along myarch. I'll wait. When I just staredsuspiciously at him, he shook his head. I won't try to read it, Hannah.Ipromise. Then, he smiled wickedly. But, if you're going to be writing aboutme, be sure to note my many impressivephysical attributes. He waggled hiseyebrows at me.Laughter bubbled up inside of me, andthe smile that burst onto my face was toobrilliant to keep hidden. Come here, Iordered, stretching my hand out to him. Oh, no. He shook his head. Finishwhat you're doing, babe.Then, we'llplay.Still smiling, I flipped the journalback open.Everything's sliding into place, Hope.My life is coming back together, and Ican't seem to bring myself to feel badabout moving forward.I still love you.Ialways will.But there are others that I love just asmuch.Others that are here with me, and Iwon't turn my back on them again.I'mgoing to leave it at that for now.I hopeyou aren't too mad, but Julian's waitingfor me.Life is waiting for me.MAY 13THE NEXT FEW DAYS PASSED MEBY in a blur of bright, happy colors.Glory came over every morning andwhisked me away to some newadventure.The beach.The mall.Themovies.Even hiking, because she knewhow much I loved it.The afternoons andearly evenings were spent in thecompany of my family and Julian.Dinner, television, and ice cream thirty.Mom still spent most of her time hiddenaway in the family room, but she wasstarting to join me and Dad in the littlethings more and more.And the nights& well, the nightsbelonged solely to Julian [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]