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.Pantingsoftly, Peter clamped his eyes closed and let Russ take him on asensual journey.Each touch seemed to fire every nerve in his body,and every time Russ s hands did that thing where they skirted justabove his belt, he felt as though he might never be able to catch hisbreath again. Please, Peter begged almost under his breath as Russspent an inordinate amount of time teasing the skin just below hisbelly button.Lifting his head, Russ met his eyes, and Peter waited.Peter could almost see the conflicted feelings on Russ s face, and hebit his lower lip to keep himself from saying more.Peter closed hiseyes. You don t have to, you know.Russ stopped moving, and Peter felt a hand stroke his cheek. Itisn t a matter of having to or wanting to, because I do.You reincredible. Russ sat up and moved away, much to Peter sconsternation.He wanted to pull him back and beg Russ to keeptouching him. I know it sounds dumb, but I feel like I m cheating onBarry.I know I m not, but it sort of feels like I am. Russ sat at theend of the sofa, and Peter propped himself up before moving into asitting position. You re a wonderful guy, and I know I should be ableto do this.I want to do this with you.Peter looked at the floor. You don t have to make excuses.Itold you being with someone in a chair can be hard.I understand. No, you don t! Russ s harsh tone surprised Peter. This hasnothing to do with you, the chair, or the fact that you can t walk,because you re what matters, not the rest of it.Barry has me soscrewed up I don t know which way to turn. Russ stood up andbegan pacing. Do you know what sex was like for us? Russcontinued pacing the floor. Almost from day one, he told me exactlywhat to do.He controlled almost everything about our lives.I madeno decisions and had almost no say, least of all in the bedroom. Is that what you like? Being told what to do, I mean? Peterasked, because that was not his idea of a relationship.Russ sighed and stopped pacing. I don t know what I like.Iwas never asked what I liked for the last four years.Whenever I triedto ask for something, Barry would tell me that he knew what I neededand he d give it to me when he was ready.No matter what you think,after a while of being told the same thing again and again, you start tobelieve it.Peter held out his hand, and after a few moments, Russ movedcloser, taking his hand. It s okay. Peter felt as relieved as he d everbeen in his life. Take your time and listen to your heart.When yougo to bed at night and fantasize, that s what you like, not what Barrytold you was good for you.That was what he wanted, not what youwanted.So how about we make a deal? What kind of deal? Russ asked suspiciously.Peter stopped himself from smiling. When it comes to anythingimportant, let s assume that whatever Barry the Bastard said or didwas wrong.Part of the abuse was him supplanting your desires andneeds with his own, including making you feel guilty for moving on.Russ chuckled and moved closer. I think I can live with that. Okay, Peter said, grinning. Then why don t you take off yourshirt? Russ looked at him dubiously but did as Peter asked beforestanding in front of him. What do you want me to do? Russ asked. Whatever you want you don t need my permission foranything, Peter said softly before stroking along Russ s chest, and hefelt the muscles under his hands quiver and shake.Russ moved to thesofa, kneeling on the cushions, and Peter shifted so their bodies werecloser. Your body knows what it wants even if your mind doesn t.Peter leaned forward, his lips touching Russ s skin.Peter almostleaned too far, but Russ caught him and then kissed him. Maybe we can move to the bedroom, Russ whispered, and hegot up off the sofa, bringing the chair closer.Peter transferred himselfto it and let Russ walk him down the hall.Peter never did that if hecould help it.He hated being pushed in the chair because it meant hewas at someone else s mercy, but he didn t mind Russ doing it now.Itfelt sort of like foreplay, his equivalent to being led to the bedroom bythe hand, especially when Russ lightly squeezed his shoulder, makingcontact with his skin.In the bedroom, Peter transferred himself to the bed and let Russmove the chair away. Look, tonight you take the lead, Peter said ashe wrapped his arms around Russ s neck and back, tugging themclose together.You can t do anything wrong as long as it s from yourheart. Are you sure? Russ asked skeptically. Yes, I m sure. God, he was so sure he was vibrating whenRuss laid him back on the bedding and pulled off his pants.Peterhadn t lost all feeling in his legs, just a lot of it, but when Russtouched them, what usually felt like feeling things through mudbecame sharper and crisper.Peter wasn t sure if that happenedbecause he wanted it to or not, and right now he didn t care.As Russmoved his hands up Peter s legs, the sensation became sharper andstronger, like his hands were coming out of a fog.By the time Russhad reached his hips, Peter was bucking slightly, his briefs totallytented.Peter hissed when Russ nuzzled his cock through the material,trying to keep himself from blowing right then and there.He felt likea teenager having his first experience all over again.Peter touchedRuss s cheeks, guiding him to his lips. You re an amazing man,Russ. Peter hugged him close, and Russ settled on the bed next tohim.It was obvious regardless of what his body said that Russ wasnot comfortable, and that was paramount to Peter, so he just held himand let everything else go. But you& we& , Russ stammered. That s not important.We were forcing it. Actually, Peter feltlike he was forcing it, and he didn t want to do that. We have all thetime in the world, and if we don t make love tonight, we can do itsome other time. Making love? Russ echoed softly.Peter turned his head to peer into Russ s eyes. That s the onlyterm I can think of to use.When you engage your heart, it s makinglove.You re not a casual fuck, not to me. Peter held his breath andtried not to sigh as his stomach did a backflip.Maybe he d judged thisall wrong, and Russ didn t feel the way he thought he did.Maybe thiswas just Russ getting over Barry and nothing more.Maybe Peter wasjust some rebound guy to help him heal, and then Russ would moveon. Sounds nice, Russ said softly, and Peter felt him curl closer. Idoubt if Barry and I ever did that the entire time we were together.Russ lapsed into silence lying next to him. I hate that I keep talkingabout Barry. Russ lifted his head, and Peter met his gaze [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]